020 Perfectionism & Permission to Do Things Wrong

I give you permission to do things wrong.

“We’ve made whether or not we do things perfectly a measure of whether we are perfect.”

In this episode, you will learn the following:

1. How do we define perfectionism?

2. What does perfectionism look like for business owners and side hustlers?

3. What are the antidotes to perfectionism and imposter syndrome?

Resources:

Want to get your business organized? This is the first step: getting those receipts under control! Download Chaos to Calm, my free receipt organization guide.

Other episodes you'll enjoy:

017 How to Start a Business

014 Is Debt Good or Bad?

011 Value-Driven Business Pt 2

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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/all-ease-accounting-llc/

Website: alleaseaccounting.com/podcast

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Transcript 00:00:00 Today we are talking about perfectionism. 00:00:03 We are diving right in and just to start things off, I want you to know that you have permission from me to do things wrong. 00:00:10 If no one else has ever given you that permission, if you've never given yourself permission to do things wrong and to make mistakes and to learn from them, and to keep trying, and to keep going. 00:00:20 You have my permission and I insist that you do things wrong. 00:00:23 So we're diving into perfectionism. 00:00:25 I identify as a recovering perfect. 00:00:28 I think you've heard me say that before because I still have these tendencies come up, even though I'm committed to doing things imperfectly in my business and life. 00:00:37 But let's talk about why. 00:00:39 Perfectionism is still something that I struggle with, and I know many other people do too. It's not anyone's fault that they are more concerned with doing things perfectly. 00:00:48 It's because of our culture and in America, that's white supremacy culture we've made. 00:00:53 Whether or not we do things perfectly, a measure of whether we are perfect. 00:00:58 It's a tool that we've been given. 00:01:00 And told to use against ourselves to prove that we're worthy and that we're good human beings. 00:01:04 The information that I'm sharing with you today is paraphrased and adapted from the document titled White Supremacy Culture by the Minnesota Historical Society. 00:01:13 The information in this document is a list of characteristics that make up white supremacy culture and its from dismantling. 00:01:20 Racism. A workbook for social change groups by Kenneth Jones and Tima Okun's. Change work 2001. Let's define this what is? 00:01:29 Perfectionism, like I just said, it's a tool of white supremacy. 00:01:33 It's thinking that mistakes made by someone are personal and reflective of their moral character, as in you're not good enough or your work isn't good enough. 00:01:44 Perfectionism is conflating doing something wrong with being wrong. 00:01:49 Instead of just the actions that someone takes or the outcome or the results that they produce. 00:01:55 Being incorrect or being mistakes. 00:01:58 It's the fact that they made those mistakes. 00:02:00 The fact that they took those actions and created those results that were incorrect or there were mistakes that makes them long as a person. 00:02:09 This tendency to identify what's wrong rather than exploring, naming and defining what's right, are you always looking for the criticisms for what's not going right? 00:02:20 Or what you did incorrectly. 00:02:24 What you could have done better instead of naming and identifying what's going right, what you're doing, well, what you enjoy doing when people tell you that you did a good job, what are you focusing more on? 00:02:36 We have a harsh inner critic that has internalized standards set by someone else. 00:02:41 Most likely those standards were set by the culture or society that you live in, and in America that's white supremacy culture. 00:02:48 So the culture and society that we live in has defined these standards. 00:02:52 And then we all have that harsh inner critic that has internalized that set of standards, and then it uses it against us. 00:03:00 It holds it up to us every day and says see, you're not doing these things correctly. 00:03:05 You're not doing these things right. 00:03:06 Therefore, you're a bad person. 00:03:08 This is what perfectionism is doing to us. 00:03:10 It's the belief that we are even. 00:03:12 People to perform perfectly, which is not a thing. 00:03:15 So let's ask ourselves who decided what perfect is? 00:03:20 Often we're not the ones setting our own standards for what perfect means, but we adopt those standards. 00:03:26 Why do we do that? 00:03:26 It's to assimilate and to a society. 00:03:29 It's to. 00:03:29 Feel like we. 00:03:30 Belong to a group that has that same standards that group that accepts those beliefs. 00:03:35 We want to prove to them that we're valuable and since we live in a white supremacist, patriarchal society in the United States and this is not disputed, this is a fact. 00:03:45 Look good. Who makes the rules in our country and polices everyone based on that set of rules, white supremacy culture has defined what it means for each of us to be, quote UN quote, perfect. 00:03:54 So when you're a business owner, how does perfectionism show up for you? 00:03:57 Maybe you have a. 00:03:58 Side hustle first. 00:03:59 Of all you may have this belief that you don't have enough. 00:04:02 Time to produce, whether that's. 00:04:05 Time to produce results for your clients. 00:04:07 Time to produce more products to sell widgets. 00:04:10 Basically you have this requirement or this expectation that you're productive, but you believe that you don't have enough time to meet that standard of productivity. 00:04:20 What do we do whenever we have this belief that we don't have enough time, we end up not even managing the time. 00:04:25 That we have. 00:04:26 With this belief, we overwork ourselves in the. 00:04:30 On the weekends and during times that we really don't want to or have the energy to work, we avoid work and we do other tasks to keep us busy, like housework, scrolling on social media, binging Netflix. 00:04:43 This comes down to feeling that we are not valuable because we aren't creating and selling enough, and I'm not talking about making enough money. 00:04:50 To survive and have housing, healthcare, food and time for rest, we live in a capitalist economy and you have to make money in order to survive. 00:04:59 That's just how. 00:05:00 This is about your beliefs and your levels of productivity, making you a bad person. 00:05:06 It's the belief that your work isn't good enough. 00:05:08 We avoid doing the work that we have to do to make money because we feel ashamed of what we produce and that could be the services that you provide to your clients. 00:05:18 That could be the products that you create to sell. 00:05:20 Combination of those things, right, your belief that your work isn't good enough. 00:05:24 Creates shame. 00:05:25 It makes you a bad person. 00:05:27 Are you constantly overanalyzing what people say to and about you to prove that you're good at what you do? 00:05:35 Or maybe bad at what you do. 00:05:36 We listen and focus on that harsh inner critic more often than we question them. 00:05:41 We just assume that the criticisms we have. 00:05:43 About our work. 00:05:44 Our objective facts, but what we know about our brains is that they have a negativity bias. 00:05:48 So the criticisms that we have of our work and our services and the results that we produce because our brain has that negativity bias when we criticize ourself as coming from someone who is not. 00:06:00 Objectively observing reality, who shouldn't even have the ability to give objective rulings on the work that we produce in the first place. 00:06:09 We don't stop to observe the critic and question whose voice is that? 00:06:14 Who said those words to me, and when did I first hear them? 00:06:17 You have this belief that you're an impostor. 00:06:20 Who is unqualified to start a business or to do a job? 00:06:23 Perfectionism and imposter syndrome go hand in hand. 00:06:26 Perfectionism is the belief that there is a right way to do things, or a right way to be essentially an impostor. 00:06:33 Syndrome is believing that you don't know how to do or can't do the things. 00:06:38 The right way, but you've somehow convinced all these other people that you can, and that you're tricking them into letting you impostor syndrome would be satisfied if we just had enough degrees or years of experience or awards or other brass rings to prove that we're good enough to do the job. 00:06:54 That's not true. 00:06:55 Impostor syndrome will never be satisfied. 00:06:58 Because it's coming from perfection. 00:07:00 And there is no true objective standard of what it means to be perfect and to do things perfectly in our society, in life, imposter syndrome will never be satisfied by just getting more and more and more accolades. 00:07:14 More and more recognition, more and more proof because it's based on the belief that you're not already perfect. 00:07:20 But I want you to consider this. 00:07:21 Anyone can set up a business in the United States applying for an EIN number is free and you can register an LLC in your state. 00:07:29 There may be a small fee with registration, but it's a low barrier of entry and in some states there is no registration fee for an LLC, so it's free and anybody can do it. 00:07:39 So just because. 00:07:39 You set up a business even though you don't know how to run, one doesn't make you an impostor because anybody can do that. 00:07:46 Do you really have impostor syndrome? 00:07:47 If you're not actively lying to people? 00:07:49 Do you go around and fake how smart or capable you are? 00:07:52 If you don't, you're probably not lying to people. 00:07:55 So what is the antidote to perfectionism and imposter syndrome? 00:07:59 The antidote to perfectionism is to develop a culture of appreciation and learning. 00:08:03 Appreciation is something that needs. 00:08:05 To be exercised. 00:08:06 This is like a muscle that we have to. 00:08:08 Work out on a. 00:08:09 Regular basis in order to build up that consistent practice of appreciation and recognition of what's going right. 00:08:16 So in your organization, how do you make sure people's work and efforts are appreciated? Do you recognize what's going right and call it out? You'll want to create and foster a learning environment. 00:08:27 This is saying that everybody. 00:08:29 Will make mistakes and those mistakes are opportunities for learning when you're giving criticism to someone else, you want to offer specifics of doing things differently. 00:08:39 I'm going to be talking about this in my program that I'm developing for new business owners because part of that program is talking about how to manage a workforce and when you have people working for you. 00:08:50 And you expect things to be done a certain way you can. 00:08:53 Can't just give them a project and let them run for you with it, without any expectations or rubric of what needs to get done, how and when. 00:09:01 So when you have to criticize somebody and say, hey, like this is not how we do things or you're going to say there's a better way to do this or this is how you want things to be done, you're going to want to offer specifics of how things need to be done. 00:09:15 Differently, when you're giving that criticism, this is creating a learning environment you want to recognize that mistakes can sometimes lead to positive results. 00:09:23 If people are going to be afraid to make. 00:09:25 Dates that can actually hold up progress that can halt productivity that can create a culture of fear and resentment and shame in your business. 00:09:35 So we want to recognize that it's OK to make mistakes, that people have permission to do things incorrectly, because we can always learn from them. 00:09:42 And sometimes those mistakes can lead to positive results. 00:09:45 When criticism is given. 00:09:46 Make sure to highlight what went well before offering the criticism. 00:09:50 You may have heard of this thing called the complement sandwich, which is where you offer a compliment before you offer the criticism, and then after the criticism you offer another compliment. 00:10:02 So you've sandwiched. 00:10:04 The criticism in between 2 complements and this is the way that we're going to create and foster that learning environment. 00:10:10 And like I said at the very beginning, you have to give yourself permission to do things wrong. 00:10:14 And then the antidote to imposter syndrome is honest communication. 00:10:18 It's vulnerability, it's transparency. 00:10:21 It's not taking on projects that are outside the scope of your abilities. 00:10:25 More knowledge. 00:10:26 It's letting your clients know when something has you stuck and letting them. 00:10:29 Have the autonomy to decide whether they want to proceed to work with you. 00:10:33 Impostor syndrome can't survive in someone who is being transparent and vulnerable to criticism. 00:10:39 We have to make it OK that other people may be dissatisfied or disappointed with the work that we're doing, because if we want them to remain clients, we have to be open. 00:10:49 To them, communicating that with us honestly and to not take it personally, right, because if you recall making a mistake or doing something wrong isn't about your moral value. 00:11:00 A human being, it's not about you being wrong. 00:11:02 Most people are going to respond positively to you. 00:11:04 Sharing and being honest about your limitations. 00:11:07 Because when you hide that, you're incapable of doing something correctly or on time. You actually take away that other person's agency to make the right choice. You're telling them that you don't trust them to say no to you. 00:11:20 That you're not even allowing them to say no, which means you've taken away their consent. 00:11:25 And their agency, and we don't want to. 00:11:27 Doing that, if you struggle with perfectionism and imposter syndrome, you're probably already aware that you're not alone. 00:11:34 We all have these tendencies that come up over and over again. 00:11:38 The first step is to be aware of when they are showing up and then to start to question them. 00:11:44 The easiest way that I personally do this. 00:11:47 This is something that I practice all the time is to remember that they are characteristics of white supremacy, culture. 00:11:54 These are tools that I did not ask. 00:11:56 Yet that's what I was given as part of this culture that I benefit from because I have privilege in this society and I'm working to eradicate that from my thinking. 00:12:06 But owning and accepting that I do have these tendencies is the first step. 00:12:10 I hope you found this information helpful. 00:12:12 Feel free to reply to any e-mail from me to share how perfectionism and imposter syndrome. 00:12:16 Show up in your life if you're not on my e-mail list, you definitely want to get on there. Head to the link in the podcast description for chaos.com, which is my receipt organization guide that will subscribe you to my e-mail newsletters and I will also share a ton of free resources with you via that link. Thanks for listening and I hope you have a wonderful weekend.